We quit getting intoxicated. I was doing it to deal with my depression. My Dad and my husbands Dad were alcoholics and we were both drinking every night. I am so depressed now without the alcohol. How long will it take for the desire to drink to go away. My life feels so flat and nothing without it. I am happy and confident when I drink I think I am in control. I know the signs of alcoholism and I know its not the answer but without it I feel terrified and so vacant. I know I am not right....but I don't know what is wrong with me. What can I do? I am so misserable. I have never tried antidepressants because I have heard they take away your joy, your up times is this true? I know I need something or I am going to ruin my life or my families life. I want to be happy, I should be happy....I have a good job, loving husband, 6 year old son all the good stuff. But when I start to spiral down nothing matters....I head down really fast and I often feel I won't survive my anger and my distruction. It is getting worse and worse. Then I have days of being on top of the world....the best at everything.... euphoric. I am going through a really bad situation at work right now and it has illuminated my problems coping, interpreting the world. I pray every day that it does not get any worse....the sadness, anger, desire to drink. My husband tries to help but his brain does not work like mine. He can't understand the desperation the depth of it. I have had some bad things happen to me in my life but I have had counseling and I am 46 now. I should be able to get past things. I sometimes think I need to resolve some more past issues but it just seems like its always something....something I fixate on that keeps the glass half empty. I want a full glass every day. How do you get that? Am I sick, geneticly flawed. I want the weapons to fight this thing are there any that really work, what ever it is....I want a better happier life than this.
Desperate for advice. M