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I love YOU MAMOLIE........YOU ARE LIKE A MOTHER I DON'T
But I understand why Sam is doing this..............He IS HERE TO
On Dec 17, 2007, at 1:18 PM, mamolie wrote: >
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wow thanks for this thank you so much for such a smart, simple way to throw in warm support on this cold dreary day. I wish these voices were still speaking today, but I'll gladly take them caling back from May, than not have them at all :) what a wonderful idea Mamolie thank you
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I remember this discussion, caring people sharing, where have they all gone? Hugs mamolie
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mamolee...you have described it perfectly. No matter how hard you try to reason with them, explain things, YOU ARE ALWAYS TO BLAME. It just keeps going around and around in circles, never ending. I too, kept wondering if I'd ever get it right.....never did. You also learn very fast that you never, ever tell him anything deeply personal, intimate or let them know your vulnerable issues. They will use it against you every time. In the beginning, when I trusted him, before I knew...in the beginning when you want to share everything with this new love, this perfect person you have finally found, I shared things with him that were used as ammunition throughout the relationship. He would never let them go, never put it in the past, where it belonged, where I had put it. He used it to get me everytime. His claim that he loved me, that I was the one for him, and everything we shared, the good and the bad, was all a joke. I've been nothing but manipulated into believing he loved me, wanted a relationship with me. He could be so loving and caring one minute and then be serving me my heart on a platter the next. I have lost all trust in men. I'm beyond baffled at how he can be so manipulative and try to convince me it's real, sincere. And here's what's totally pushed me over the deep edge of understanding...In the beginning it was push, push, push to the alter. My gut said no and to make a long story short, my stalling has pretty much ended the relationship...and of course, all my reasons for stalling are MY FAULT, I could have fixed them. So now that it's over and he's into the next relationship......(how easily he just moved on to the new one, no grieving me) why does he keep calling me, why doesn't he leave me alone. ( I know, thanks to numerous internet sites, I've learned I'm his narcissistic support, the new one's not giving him that support yet cuz she doesn't know the real him yet) He keeps pulling me back in and angering me by telling me..."you missed out, we could have had the relationship we both wanted if you would have just taken care of what you need to change, if you'd only done what it takes, we could have been living happily ever after" & "I always thought it was going to be me and you to the end". Does he really believe that, does he really believe that all the times he ripped my heart out, all the times he seen me crying and confused, that I was HAPPY!!! How quickly he learned what it was that I wanted, and uses it against me by trying to get me to believe he can provide it. And he has the nerve to say....I'm just going to see where this goes (the new relationship) but if you were to do "what it takes" to make it work, I'd take you back in a heartbeat. He sucks me back in with these comments....again more manipulation. I've asked him...why is he leading this girl on if he truly means what he's telling me. He evades the question, can't even comprehend what he's possibly doing to her. But then, it's what he's been doing all along...I just wish the last one would have warned me. I'm toying with telling the new to get out now and run for the hills. Do I tell her?
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ramballee, I think the biggest sign is the lack of empathy, the inability to connect that their behavior hurts or has any impact on you. Mine would say he was sorry over and over and keep doing the same things to hurt me over and over, The other one is they can not admit that they are ever wrong, or there is anything wrong with them. Mine went to counseling 5 times through the years, he pulled the wool over their eyes and mine, think he was hoping I would get fixed, After all there was so much wrong with me that he so kindly pointed out through the years. Mine had the duel personalities, great guy to the outside world, not nice at all, inside with us. I hoped someday, I would get everything right and he would treat me like he treated other people, could not understand what those people had that I didn't, was not me, but he sure made me feel like it was. You can not reason with them either, it comes back to you goes in circles,they defend and make excuses for everything, you can't get through no matter how long or how hard you try. They only care about themselves, they can not love of fell, it is a horrible disorder, for those of us who did not know there were people like this. Hugs Mamolie
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